Monday, August 10, 2009

The rest of the truth

I hadn't realized this perspective until Laura came over today to pick up her clothes. Her clothes used to be at W's place, but he threw them in my car and I had them. Laura's a beautiful woman, a naturopathic doctor, and her credentials go on. She didn't understand why I had her clothes. She was looking for commiseration about W.

I am about to leave for an unknown length of time to work on an ashram. It fell in my lap and is flowing in a way that I know it is the right thing to do. I'm not running away from anything. It is just time. I have gotten rid of 90 to 95 percent of my material and relationship belongings. For some reason, I have been holding onto the vision of the future with W. And, Laura has had an on again off again relationship with him for years. Ours is different. But what we have in common is that we both think we are the one, that special one who understands W.

When she came to pick up her clothes today she said that W told her that he threw me across the room. He told her that this was in front of his intern (age 30) and his daughter (age 7) and that it made his intern cry.

Threw me across the room? Why couldn't I see it like that? But, that is what happened. He's the one that offered me a place to live. He's the one who was going to build a business with me. He's the one that has said for 5 years that I'd be on the payroll. He's the one whom I've known for lifetimes. I'm working out my karma, but I cannot work out his.

I have this belief that we have this spiritual work to get out in the world and that it is important. I know what it is. I can see it. But, what happens if he chooses to not go down that path?

Lessons are sometimes hard. This one is more complicated than I am writing about. But my lesson is that I have my own spiritual path, my own spiritual work and that I have to stand strong regardless of who else is in my life. I cannot even imagine what is ahead in life for me, so grasping onto the stories of the present is very limiting. Let go and let be.

This is a perspective I did not choose for looking at what is precipitating my decision to go stay at an ashram. But, now it is alongside the others as I get ready to leave.